This story sticks like a stone in my throat

Twice I’ve told you that we’re about to walk into the desert beside Hagar and Ishmael. But I wasn’t ready. Now, I'm finally sharing my translation of the 5 gut-wrenching verses I'd been avoiding.

Welcome back to The Life of H: Sarah, Reimagined, where lately I’ve been offering restorative and poetic translations of Sarah, Abraham, and Hagar’s story. For more on this project, start here.

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Today’s post has been a long time coming!

At least twice I’ve told you that we’re about to step into the next part of the story, and walk in the desert beside Hagar and Ishmael after they were cast out of Abraham and Sarah’s tents. But each time I hesitated. There was still more to say about the previous verses.

Which was true.

But this is also true:

When faced with vicariously stepping into a gut-wrenching tale of exile; of a mother and her son facing death alone in the wilderness — well — who wouldn’t prefer to cling to the safety of a warm hearth and familiar surroundings?

And maybe this held me back, too: It is also agonizing to consider that Sarah’s decision and Abraham’s actions set these events in motion; events that continue to haunt and harm us to this day.

It might have been easier if I could just rush through the job and get it over with. But translating for meaning, poetic sound and poetic truth, means I live inside of each line. I taste each word. And some of them stick like stones in my throat.

After all, I, too, have felt the pain of exile. I, too, have been separated from my child. I too have cried out in the wilderness, into what feels like a cruel emptiness.

I wasn’t eager to wade into all of that alone, with just my papers and books to hold onto.

But I did. And here I am, on the other side of the story.

Because I also knew from the work I’ve done so far on this project that I wouldn’t only suffer the devastation of Hagar’s predicament. In these verses I would also discover the strength and sustenance I needed.

Just as Hagar ultimately did in the desert.

Just as I have done with my past losses and the terrain I’ve had to cross to arrive where I am today.

And maybe this is what faith looks like: I also knew deep down, that some of those stones of remorse and regret would ultimately turn out to be seeds that would sprout into new possibilities.

Shoots of hope are there if we look for them. (Photo by Daniel Hajdacki on Unsplash)

+ Today I’ll read you my poetic and restorative translation of 5 verses that describe Hagar’s journey.

+ Coming up, in the next few posts I’ll share insights I’ve gained from peering into the words that connect us to the heart of this story.

+ Spoiler alert: In the end, I discovered within these lines a goddess, trees that weep, and a well of compassion.