The right time of year for going in circles
Beginnings, Endings, and (More) Intentions. Plus the reason there's no poem this week.
We are about to enter into Roshashana, the Jewish New Year. But even if this is not a holiday you observe, this season of back-to-school and harvest time is an ideal moment to recognize and honor yearly cycles.
When seasons and holidays come around again each year, we can notice what has changed and what is still the same.
Pause and consider: Where were you at this time last year when (in my corner of the world at least) the air turns as crisp as the apples on the trees?
Even if you are still grappling with similar challenges as you were then, do you have a new perspective or fresh insights? Either way, it’s an opportunity to renew or reframe your intentions.
I’m taking this moment at the Jewish New Year to share:
a beginning
an ending
and renewed intentions for writing this newsletter.
But my path will be a bit circuitous, because today we’re honoring the pleasures and rewards of going in circles, too!
Beginnings
This week in synagogue we will read the story of the Akedah, the binding of Isaac, as we do each year.
In a previous post, I told you why the unspeakable act of child sacrifice slimly averted, at the heart of this story, unexpectedly gave me peace after losing my daughter in a same-sex custody dispute.
(Twenty-five years later, even in light of the close relationship I enjoy with my daughter today, I could still barely choke out that last sentence.)
Going round in circles
And so I’ve been circling around my intention to share the challenging parts of my story with you ever since I launched “The Life of H: Sarah, Reimagined” earlier this year. (You can read the first post here.)
This project began as a way to understand and communicate what I experienced, and how Sarah and Abraham’s story opened up a path of healing for me.
In the process, I have also learned about the culture and religion I was born into, but have never fully understood. And then there are the theological revelations and revolutionary feminist implications I’ve unearthed along the way as I’ve rediscovered Sarah as an empowered and powerful carrier of a spiritual lineage in her own right.
Now there is so much more to share than just the personal story I first came to the page to tell. But I don’t want to lose track of the original thread as I continue to braid in all of the other strands that have become integral to The Life of H.
So here we are again, at the point in the year where, 25 years ago, I first glimpsed (my) meaning in the story of Isaac’s near-sacrifice. Which would be the perfect time to share one or more poems about my version of the Akedah.
And I’m still not quite ready.
And that’s okay because starting in the first week of October the cycle of Torah readings begins anew. And when we return to this holiday next year, or when I feel that the time is right, I can try again.
Hooray for circles!
Endings
Then again, there’s much to be said for completing a project and moving on. That’s why several months ago I decided it was time to put the periods at the end of my sentences, and declare my poems, one by one, complete!
Back in April, I shared with you my 100-day challenge: To complete 40-50 of what I call my Sarah poems by early August. But somewhere around Day 50, I was knocked off course, as I described to you in a recent post.
Okay, so that didn’t go exactly as planned. Except that … drumroll please …
… finally, on day 93 of my re-vamped 100(+) day practice, I reached my goal! Fifty poems in this series are now complete!
🎉🎉🎉
But my work is not done. After reading through what I’ve written I realized that I still need quite a few more to round out the project!
I’ve had to admit to myself, (circling back to today’s theme) that this has not been, cannot, and will not be a linear process.
Intentions
Sarah and Abraham’s literal journey has provided a guiding metaphor for me on my literary journey.
When they trekked through territories we now know as Iraq, Turkey, Syria, Lebanon, Israel, Egypt, and Jordan, they didn’t follow a straight-line path either. What could have been a trip of several hundred miles, turned into over a thousand miles of moving north and west along the Euphrates River, sojourning in various locations along the way, and then continuing southward following the curve of the Mediterranian Sea.
Moving straight ahead quickly isn’t always the wisest choice. In their case, making a beeline across the desert would have been foolish, and probably deadly. Much better to stay close to the water and population centers where they could trade for necessities and gather information.
As for me, it has not been possible to rush this process, nor would it have been psychologically healthy for me.
And yet, I do have a destination in sight. '
So, starting in the first week in October, when the cycle of the Jewish year and Torah readings begins again, I plan to move through my poems, more or less in order, without avoiding the difficult terrain when it’s time to walk through it.
At the same time, I expect (and accept) that there will be detours and delays along the way.
I’ve decided to use one of Substack’s features to support me in keeping this intention.
A friendly paywall
The term paywall isn’t very inviting, and so far I’ve been very selective about using it.
But moving forward, I’m going to take advantage of this option and put my own spin on it:
I’m thinking of the paywall as a healthy boundary I can set for myself.
Putting some of my poems behind that wall will allow me to share the more personal and vulnerable ones with a smaller group of readers at a time, which will make it less intimidating for me. It’s like having a room with a door that closes, so people can enter with intention and stay for a while to listen and share.
But a paywall shouldn’t be a locked door, either.
Boundaries work best when they are flexible. So, I will continue to offer plenty of free posts, as I have been all along! PLUS I’ve added a Pay-What-You-Can option so anyone can be a paid subscriber, no matter what your budget.
I am grateful for every subscriber, and every reader.
In fact, I regard free subscribers as paying members, too! After all, you are investing your time to read these posts, and you are allowing me into your inbox. Thank you!